The Seagull Gallery has announced its summer/fall schedule of artists’ receptions:
June 19: Mini wraps with choice of chicken, turkey, roast beef or vegetarian, rumors of smoked salmon and blinis with caviar. Wine tasting sponsored by Le Winery Shoppe. Art will be featured; use words like “expressive” or “contemplative” if pressed for a reaction while you’re eating.
July 29: California and spicy tuna roll, spinach dip, Chex Mix, Turning Leaf wine (red and white), Arizona Iced Tea. Art by some local artist. Remember, if someone asks you “what do you think,” they’re asking about the art, not the California roll.
Aug. 12: Cheese and crackers, hummus and pita triangles, nachos and dip, lemon squares, Aussie Box-o-Wine. Art by some artist from somewhere. Just nod and smile if he/she looks at you.
Sept. 1: Hot appetizers from the frozen foods department at B.J.’s (who are they kidding?), pitchers of sangria (7-Up, fruit cocktail and Riuniti on Ice, not nice.). Also, some artist with brightly colored art that doesn’t look at all realistic and couldn’t possibly blend with my sofa anway.
Oct. 1: A dismal array of veggies and dip euphemistically called crudités, not the kind of thing you come to a gallery for. Iced tea, no wine. Geez! Also, some art by, I assume, some artist who couldn’t care less if you go hungry.
Nov. 12: Smucker’s Uncrustables, limit one per visitor. This is the last straw, which is what they’ll be serving us next if we don’t start demanding decent food in return for showing up for these things. Also, they keep scheduling these things when Jeopardy is on. Someone should write a letter. Also serving bottled water, which I suspect is tap water poured into Evian containers. Art.